25 is a very transitional age. You're a few years out of college and you've got some career experience under your belt. Maybe you're pursuing a master's degree or thinking about a doctorate; maybe you're dating, married, or even starting a family. Life changes happen at different paces for everyone, and the early-20s have become a time in this post-millennial era where the concept of the quarterlife crisis has evolved. That panic you feel when your degree doesn't give you the tailored experience that you thought it would. That envy you hide when you see an old friend or classmate doing "better" than you are. That twinge you get when your first actual adult problem hits, and all you want to do is run home to your parents and hide from the world for a while.
No one ever said that graduating from high school, college, or the school of life would automatically include the answers to every problem that we face. The quarterlife crisis is just a fancy name for growing up -- we've all been there at one point or another, and we need to remember that it's okay not to be perfect, even in today's image-conscious, success-driven world. The way I see it, each new day on this planet is an opportunity for growth and change, regardless of your personal status and circumstances at that moment.
That said, here are the five most important things that I would want myself at that age and any other 25-year-olds to keep in mind:
Stick to a budget, but still find ways to treat yourself.
At 25, I was only working a part-time job, so money was beyond tight. Living paycheck to paycheck, I pinched pennies so hard that I thought more pennies would come out, but alas. Regardless of where you find yourself financially, you should always set aside the time and the money for something fun or unique (within reason) to reward yourself for being so frugal elsewhere. I missed out on so many good times with friends because I didn't plan ahead and save as much as I should have, which left me feeling resentful and burned out on the job because it was all work and no play. Yes, you should work hard so you can play hard, but don't forget to add "save hard" in the middle.
Feel free to party, but know your limits.
Speaking of playing hard, there's definitely a time and a place -- you're only young once -- but there's also something to be said about knowing when to stop. Around this age, I watched several friends experience some of the worst results of too much partying. Accidents and DUIs made the mistakes of one night last for so much longer. While I never personally got to that point, I should have been more comfortable and confident speaking up and taking a stand when others were approaching that point. Knowing when to cut people off will differ from person to person, but it's always better to check on your friends too much than not enough, and always do so without judgment. After all, let he/she who is without a drunk night in their past cast the first empty bottle. It may seem like nagging at the time, but you'll be thanking each other the next day when everyone is safe, happy... and hopefully, not too hungover.
Be more aware of networking opportunities.
There's a reason that "It's not what you know, it's who you know" has become a cliche: it really is that true. If you find yourself with no room left to grow in the workplace, you're doing something wrong because you're not talking to the right people. At work or even around town, you're bound to see or run into individuals who are outside of your immediate circle of influence. Go meet them! You'd be amazed at how many people I crossed paths with during my part-time job in a totally different industry that have popped up again as unexpected sources of information during my current full-time job. At worst, you've made a new acquaintance with whom you may or may not swap contact info. At best, you've made a new connection who may actually have insight or a foot in the door to the next opportunity that you've been seeking. You won't know for sure unless you put yourself out there and try!
If you choose to be in a relationship, do it for the right reasons.
Putting yourself out there does take guts, especially in the dating world. I was in a pretty serious relationship when I was 25, but it wasn't a good situation. It was fairly obvious to both of us early on that we weren't an ideal match, but we continued to be involved for 2 more years. Why? Because we were both at a crossroads in our respective lives and we were lonely, so it was easier being with someone as a distraction than worrying about being fine on our own. Had we been honest with ourselves and each other, things probably would have worked out differently (though we definitely would have still broken up! Too much baggage...) Either way, make sure that the person you choose to spend time with is your equal when it comes to interests, outlook, and most of all, self-esteem. Otherwise, you're stunting your growth as a couple and as an individual.
Keep your options open.
Life plans are a great thing to have. Whether it's a general outline or you've rigorously constructed specific, time-sensitive goals, you should always be prepared for your best-laid plans to go astray. At 23, I had a clear-cut plan in mind for my life and career after college, but by 25, things were so far removed from this plan that I didn't think a comeback was possible. So I settled. If you take nothing else away from this post, please remember this: NEVER SETTLE! I didn't fight for my dreams, and now, here I am at 32: getting closer but still trying to make them happen. Any number of personal circumstances can change, but it's how you adapt to those changes and get yourself back on track that define how you reach and/or modify those original goals. That way, when the inevitable bumps in the road come along, you won't feel like you've been thrown such a curveball.
For all of its laughs and its abundance of puppets, the musical "Avenue Q" makes some pretty spot-on observations about modern life. The one that sticks with me tells us that everything in life is only for now, so make the best of what you have while you have it. Speaking of puppets, MaryBeth just got one. It's custom-made and everything! See? Proof that getting older and wiser doesn't mean the end of youthful whimsy; it just means knowing how and when to let the inner child out to play for a little while. At any age, we can all make it a point to cut ourselves some slack and not approach life as a crisis to be managed.
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